Not Knowing Where to Start!

The Struggle

The struggle is real, and the frustration builds up; understandably the weight of all our tasks can take its toll, and it can be paralysing to say the least. The internalised perfectionism, avoiding tasks, the 50 mental tabs all opened in our heads trying to juggle the task at hand with the fear of failure or delving in to the unknown.

That “all or nothing” mindset we succumb to, whether we subconsciously are aware of it not. The cycle can get draining, I get you, and I see you; unfortunately, but fortunately, you’re not alone, and this is something almost everyone experiences at some point in their lifetime [if they say they haven’t, they’re lying].

Here’s how I see it, a plant that is constantly uprooted and replanted in new soil, never gets the chance to grow – 

In this analogy, you’re the gardener and that success and growth you’re seeking is the plant, and those habits you act upon, or don’t act upon is the soil. I’m no Shakespeare but those are some heavy bars if I say so myself. The rethinking, restarting, redoing is hindering your progress and growth; water the seed, tend the soil by showing up to the things you said you were going to do.

Why this happens: What’s happening under the surface

Let’s call it what it is without any sugar coating or pink wrapping paper; its task aversion. Sometimes we’re avoiding the task not because it’s hard, but because it actually means something. It might represent a fear of failure, or that risk of being seen, or worse yet, that lingering possibility that we’ll confirm the inner voice whispering to ourselves that we’re not good enough [hi and hello to our not so great friend: imposter syndrome].

It could also be the fear of the unknown. Oftentimes we can think to ourselves: “What if I put in all this effort, and it still doesn’t work out.” We end up not doing anything, and you know what? It’s that cheesy quote on Pinterest that really hits home: you never know unless you try. You miss 100% of the chances you don’t take [also, *spoiler alert* not trying, is its own type of failure, just not as apparent, and its more slower and painful in the long run].

The success we’re looking for is hidden inside the work we’re avoiding.

Our brains have this tendency, and it’s a biological and neurological thing, it protects us from discomfort by building a wall of distraction, doom scrolling, or reorganising the spice rack instead of opening that important that probably needed a response 48 hours ago.

Strategies to make it easier to begin

Okay, let’s take a deep breath. Now that we’ve unpacked the why, here’s the how. Here are three gentle, yet powerful strategies you can try today:

1. Build safety nets in your environment, not traps. Your surroundings shape your habits. The five people you spend the most time with, influence your energy BUT so does your lighting, your phone notifications, your mental tabs, how your room is set up etc.
2. Reduce the decision fatigue. Close the mental tabs. Remove the unnecessary friction. Use Mel Robbins’ 5 second rule: countdown “5-4-3-2-1” and physically move toward the task. Don’t give your brain time to argue, make excuses, or talk you out of it.
3. Make it easier for yourself. Set your workspace up before bed. Keep the emotional support water bottles nearby. Light a candle and treat yourself the way a friend who’s anxious but trying would.